End of year blues and word games

The end of the school year is upon us and it is that poor excuse has kept me from my keyboard these last weeks. It is amazing how much work there is to do before the end, exams to correct (a big box full to be exact), paper work to fill out, meetings to attend, special events to supervise. This all means that there is not much free time and when there is the ol' brain is burnt out. For example, in the next week, I have to finish correcting 130 exams, consign my marks to the computer register, go with the kids to their end of year excursion (leaving a 8:30am and coming back around 7pm) going to the graduation ceremonies on Friday night for my kids who have gotten through five years of high school, and the week after all the mind numbing meetings and committees. (Did you know that a camel is a horse designed by a committee?)

So in place of having to actually think long enough to write an insightful blog, here are a bunch of puns to keep you groaning.

• A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says: "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
• Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
• Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says:" I've lost my electron." The other says: "Are you sure?" The first replies: "Yes, I'm positive."
• Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
• A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
• A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds: "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
• A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair . He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
• An electrician was working on the wiring of an old house when he touched the wrong wire. He really found it a shocking experience but after it he was sure that the wiring was not up to the current building codes.