Monday, May 23, 2011

Oh the rapture

Well we're still here, no feeling of lightness, no looking skywards for me or Mrs. BB. So I guess we just are not among the chosen, but then again so are 97% of the population.
Not being raptures doesn't really bother me but can you imagine the problems this 3% would have caused as they were lofted skywards?
First of all they would have had to dodge all the news helicopters trying to get exclusive footage of the event. If you go through the helicopter rotor blades will you still be raptured? Raptured in pieces, could be rather messy.
Then there is the problems of the Raptured living near the major airports such as JFK, Heathrow, Charles de Gaulle where there are always hundreds of planes in the air at one time. Going through a turbofan jet engine leaves even less pieces than the the rotor blades. Hitting the front of the aircraft like an oversized seagull is also not good but at least the Rapturee will still be in one piece albeit a bit smeared across the windshield.
Then there are the family members who will just not want to let go of the loved one.
"Johnny will you stop playing with that rope, that's your grandpa not a balloon for you to play with!"
Right now we've been having thunder storms. I wonder if the Rapturee going through the clouds would disturb the water vapor enough to cause an ionization trail that would set off a lightening strike? Fricassee of Rapture, heavenly crispy critters.
For the rest of us there might also have been fun things. I was thinking that if the Rapture had been placed at a more convenient time, at 6 pm it is still light out, let's say midnight, we could have gone around with piles of old clothes and shoes and laid them out on sidewalks and lawns in the shape of a human that had been lofted skywards. The looks on people's faces the next morning would have been priceless.
This the second Rapture I've gone through (there was supposed to have been another in 1994) predicted by the same looney-tunes preacher. Why is it that religion brings out the craziness and credulity in otherwise sane human beings? I'll let you find the answer to that since I have to go and live my post-apocalyptic life.

- Posted from my iPhone